Tsk, Tsk, I Am Working!

Geez, people. Demanding, are we? "Kelly, where are you?" "Kelly, where is the daily post?" "Kelly, I am addicted to your blog and I think I'll die if you don't get something up soon." Sound familiar? These are the sounds of YOUR WHINING. If I didn't know better, I would feel like a used piece of meat. (PS - I DO work, ya know.)

WELL (drumroll, please), HERE IS YOUR DAILY DOSE OF KELLY.

I think I get funnier by the day. True story. I had the whole camp cracking up tonight...it's like I am hilarious and I don't even know it. Plus, I am really vain, so whenever I "send myself flowers" (as they say in France), Wheaty's phone rings (his hand) and it is "Mr. Affirmation" telling me that I am great. "Hello, Mr. Affirmation? Oh, you want speak to Koko? Okay, here she is..." Really ridiculously funny, I'm telling you. Again, I almost puked laughing. It's like a normal thing here.

Well, the kids left today and I am completely exhausted. But that's nothing a little sangria can't help. I got 2 humungous bottles of sangria for 2,68 euros (about $4). Seriously, isn't that awesome? Plus, it's really good. Anyways, I am tired (the French kids pronounce this word as "tee-red") and I would love to go to bed right now and wake up at 11am tomorrow. We had to get up at the ass-crack of dawn this morning (6:50am, but that is early here considering we had a BOOM last night and didn't get to bed until around 1am) to get these kids outta here at 9:30am. (Silent "Hooray!") Then, we cleaned and prepped for the next session (the kids are coming on Saturday) until about 5pm. Now, I am about to go enjoy a campfire with some sangria in hand.

But first, I must tell you about my day off with Beef. He is way out because he totally annoys me. I mean, honestly, he is not where it's at in Kellyville. We hung out together on our day off and it was just okay. He started tellling me that he is ready to have kids (he's only 26 for goodness sakes!) and he wants to settle down as if I was going to propose to him right there on the spot. (Well, maybe that's an exaggeration, but STILL.) I was like, WOAH. (But in my head.) Why is it that I attract all the guys who want to "settle down?" It's funny (and strikingly familiar) because the last time I heard that, I happened to fall for it and finally learned (after 3.5 friggin years) that it was never true...(OUCH. BURN.) Ha, ha. Anyways, there were a few things I caught on to in Beef's behavior that I really did not like. Hence, his outness.

Item #1. We walked to the nearest town (Mauleon-Barousse) for a phone card (me) and some wine (him), but the only damn shop in the village was closed, so we decided to stop for a beer to ensure that our entire 30-minute trip was not wasted. During our little chat, he told me that when he was 22, he thought he knew everything, only to find out that he was wrong. Then, he had the AUDACITY to say, "You'll find out what I'm talking about when YOU'RE 26." ARE YOU SERIOUS? FOR REAL? I was thinking to myself, Did he just say that to me? My first reaction was to slap him, my second reaction was to laugh. I bit my tongue.

Item #2. So, we were finishing up our drinks (I got a Coke and he got a pint of beer) after an easy conversation and he asked if he could borrow money from me because he only had a 50 euro bill on him (which he didn't want to break). Totally fine, I was super okay with that. But then, when we went up to pay, the bartender accidentally put the drinks together, so I paid for both and said, "I guess this one's on me." AND HE NEVER SAID THANK YOU! ARGGHHH! One of my pet-peeves!

Item #3. Today, I was assembling the master list for the next session (putting the kids into families, making a poster of all their pictures, typing up all their information - it is a BITCH of a job) and he comes in to the White House only to say, "Wow, these kids sure look like a bunch of jerks." WHAT?! I think the flatulence that is supposed to come out of his ass comes out of his mouth instead in the form of stupid words and senseless babble.

In my book (and in the game of baseball), 3 strikes and you're out. Beef is most definitely out.

With love and lots of relaxation from Thèbe,

Kelly Anne Nielsen

PS - My imaginary love taps to everyone who posted will be coming soon, I have a draft started!

PPS - Dad, especially, I think you will really appreciate this next bit. We have finally decided on family names for the next session...the 5 stages of Elvis.
(1) Rockabilly
(2) Army
(3) Bad Movies
(4) Comeback
(5) Fat Vegas
I will find out on Saturday what my last name will be for the next 2 weeks!

Tomorrow is Bastille Day - France's Independence Day! Fireworks and all!